GENCON 2006: Yes, there are girls at game conventions!
I present to you, in all it's wonderous glory:
DUD3 EVERYONAS FAVORIET LISPNG GNOME HAS PASED ON!!1!! OMG WTF LOL ID LIEK 2 SAY HE IS R3STNG P3AECFULY WIT HIS LORD AND PATRON PANGRUS BUT TAHT WUD B A LEI!1!!11! OMG DUDE ACQUIERD A FMILIAR A FEW MONTHS BAK!1!! OMG WTF DUD3 HAD SPENT SOMA TIEM PREPNG FOR HIS FMILIAR ACQUISITION BUT WAS R3WARD3D WIT SOMETHNG TAHT AT FIRST EXCEDED HIS EVARY AXPECTATIONS1!1!1 OMG FAET BNG TEH 2-FAECD D3VIL WOMAN TAHT SH3 IS ALOWAD 3V3NTS 2 B S3T IN MOTION FOR HIM 2 CROS PATHS WIT A QUASIT (I USAD TEH SG FMILIAR RULES AND ROL3D IT SCRAWNG MYSELF BUT SUCH IS MAH1!!11 LOL QUASIT NATURALY WAS CHAOTIC EVIL!!!111! WTF BNG A CN FOLOWER OF PANGRUS TAHT SUIETD DUDE JUST FIEN1111 HED BEN TRAEVLNG WIT CG GODY-GODEIS FOR HIS 3NTIER ADVENTURNG CAERER SO IT WAS TIEM FOR THIS 96 YEAR OLD CL3RIC/ILUSIONIST 2 HAEV A LITL3 BUDY OF HIS OWN TAHT HAD A DIF3RENT VEIW ON LIEF AND ATHIS1!!!!! LOL AND TAHT DIDNT CAL HIS CHURCH TEH INTARNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANGRUS
BLARNEY1!111!!1 OMG WTF LOL DUDES FORMAR PROTEG3 HAD BAN WIT DA HARBNGERS FOR A Y3AR AND A HALF AND HAD SURPASED DUDE IN POWAR AND WEALTH1!!1 OMG WTF LOL THIS MAED TEH NORMALY CHERFUL (YAT STIL OBNOXIOUS) GNOM3 BITER!!!!11 VERY BITER!!!1!!11 OMG WTF HAVNG HIS LITLE BUDY INFLAET HIS 3GO AL OF DA TIEM DIDNT H3LP MUCH EITH3R!111 OMG IT WAS CLEAR TAHT GODY-GODY BLARNEY HAD TEH LOK DOWN ON SPIRITUAL ADVIESR FOR TEH GODY-GODY HARBNGERS WIT HIS GODY-GODY ZELAUR!11!!!1! THCEW THEM TH3N1!!!1! OMG LOL AS DA PARTY WAS RETURNNG 2 PAYBAK SOME OLD FREINDS N3AR LITLA KEP ON TEH BORDAR DUD3 3NDAD HIS LONG ABS3NS3 AND R3JOIEND TEH DA!11!!11! HOBGOBLINS AT DA LITLE KEP WER3 AS MUCH HIS MAH AS TH3Y R FOR SIR CORLIM!111!!1 OMG DUD3 SAW HIS CHANCE 2 OUTSHIEN HIS FORM3R PROTEGE AGANE AND P3RHAPS WRASTLE CONTROL OF TEH SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE FROM BLARNEY1!1!1!!1 WTF BUT ALAS FAET IS CRUAL1111 ALTHOUGH DA QUASIT HAD TAEKN TEH SHAEP OF A DAWG SOM3THNG WAS NOT QUIET RIGHT1!!11 OMG WTF IT BHAEVD RATH3R STANG3LY FOR A DAWG AND IT HAD TINY D3VIL HORNS!1!!!1! OMG LOL BLARNEY HAD NEV3R HAARD OF A DAWG WIT DAVIL HORNS1!11!!! EACH DAY AS THAY TRAEVLAD BLARNEY WUD TRY 2 ASCARTANE TEH DAWGS ALIGNMENT TRY 2 FIGURE OUT WUT IT WAS UP 2!1!1!! WTF LOL BUT 3ACH DAY HA GOT NO R3ADNG ON TEH DAWG.UNTIL1!11111!!1111!!!1 OMG WTF LOL LAST NIGHT
NOT11!111! KNOWNG WUT 2 DO HA SLAPT ON THIS KNOWLEDGE AND DECIEDD 2 COMUNA WIT TEH KNGDOMOF ZELAUR TAHT FOLOWNG MORNNG1!1!!!! WTF AFTAR D3TARMINNG TAHT HAVNG THIS CREATURE AROUND IS NOT 3NTIERLY HONORABLA HE APROACHED DA PARTY LEAEDR WIT A H3AVY HEART1!!11! OMG LOL IT PROBABLY WUDNT AND W3L11!!!!1! OMG LOL SIR CORLIM AND BLARNEY APROACH3D DUDE ABOUT HIS LITLA BUDY WHO TURNED HIMSELF INVISIBLE ON THEYRE APROACH1!1!111 OMG WTF LOL DUDE WAS VARY D3F3NSIEV ABOUT HIS NU FREIND AND SWORE TAHT HE WUD KEP HIM IN LIEN11!! OMG ATH3NION WAS CALAD OVER AND WAS ABL3 2 SPOT DA INVISIBLA LITL3 BUDY IMEDIAETLY1111 OMG LOL AFT3R A L3NGTHY DEBAET DUDA WAS GIEVN AN ULTIMATUM TEH DAWG OR TEH HARBNG3RS!!11 LOL DUDA CHOSE HIS LITL3 BUDY AND 2LD TEH HARBNG3RS TAHT H3 WUD L3AEV DA GROUP WHEN TEH REACH3D TEH NEXT DA1!!1!!! FOLOWNG DAY WHIEL RIDNG ON TEH BAK OF TEH WAGON AND OCASIONALY FLIPNG OF ATHENIAN DUD3 WAS GIEVN A M3ANS FOR R3VENGE111!111 OMG WTF LOL IT SEMS TAHT SOMETHNG IN TEH PARTY LOT WAS CALNG ON THEYRE NU M3AT SHEILD DYSON DA HALF-OGRE1!1! LOL DYSON WAS 2LD 2 LEAEV DA NU BASTARD SWORD ALONA BUT HAD A HARD TIEM AC3PTNG THIS1!!!!!1 OMG WTF LOL TAHT DAY DUDA FORMULAETD A PLAN
WHIEL!1!!!1 OMG WTF LOL DA PARTY SLEPT AND GERGOIS KAPT AN ANOYNG CLOSA WATCH ON HIM H3 USED HIS SPACTRAL FORC3 SPEL 2 CR3AET AN IMAEG OF HIMS3LF AND LITLA BUDY SLEPNG!1!!11 HE TURN3D HIMSALF INVISIBLE LITLE BUDY CUD DO TAHT AT WIL AND CRAPT IN2 DA WAGON WIT DA TREASURE1!!!1 OMG HE SLIP3D OUT TEH BASTARD SWORD CAERFUL NOT 2 2UCH IT WIT HIS HANDS AND CR3PT OVAR 2 DYSONS SLEPNG BODY1!1!1 WTF LOL HE TH3N DROPAD IT ON TEH HALF-OGR3 WHO IMEDIAETLY AWOK3 FINDNG A PRIEZD POSESION ON HIS CHAST
WHIEL!1!!!1 WTF SIR CORLIM DYSON AND BLARNEY WERE HAVNG A RATHAR HAAETD DISCUSION ABOUT WUT 2 DO WIT TEH SWORD TAHT DYSON REFUSED 2 PUT BAK DUDE SAW HIS CHANC3 2 GAT HIS REVANG3 ON ATH3NION!!!!1! OMG LOL HE TREID 2 SUBDUE HIM WIT A HOLD P3RSONS SPEL AND AN HIPNOTIC PATERN!1!! HOWAVAR ATHANION WAS FAR MORE ADVANCAD THAN HE HAD RECONED AND PROCEDED 2 POUND DA GNOME AND HIS BUDY1!!11!! OMG LOL DYSON CHARGAD IN2 TEH FRAY BUT WAS HALD BY DA HYPNOTIC PAT3RN!111! OMG LOL HIS NU SWORD HOW3VER RASCU3D HIM FROM TEH HYPNOTIC PATERN BY CREATNG MAGICAL DARKN3S1111!!!! OMG LOL HOWEVAR WHEN H3 CHARG3D IN 2 FIGHT DUDE HA ACIEDNTALY SMAKED ATHANIAN HARD
DUDA!11!!!! WTF FINDNG HIMSALF OUTGUN3D TREID 2 SLIP AWAY WIT LITLE BUDY BUT WAS KNOK3D DOWN BY DYSON AND ATH3NION!11!!1! OMG LOL BUT WHIEL DA PARTY WAS LOKNG AT ATHENIONS WOUNDS DUD3 CAST A R3VARSED CUR3 SPEL ON DYSON AND TREID 2 MAEK A BRAAK FOR IT1!!1!1!1 OMG WTF LOL BUT DYSON PUT HIM DOWN WIT HIS NU SWORD!1!1! BLARNAY CAST SIELNC3 ON A COIN AND DROPED IT ON DUDES MOTIONL3S BODY WHIEL DYSON TEID HIM UP!!!!!1! OMG WTF LOL HE THEN H3AELD DUD3S WOUNDS AND WENT BAK 2 BD DISGUSTAD WIT HIS FORM3R MEN2R!!!11!! WTF DUD3 CLAMEED TAHT TEH CR3ATURE WAS CONTROLNG HIM SO TEH PARTY D3CIEDD 2 HOLD A TRIAL TEH NEXT DAY
TAHT1!!!!!! LOL NIGHT LITLE BUDY CRAPT BAK IN2 DA CMP INVISIBLY AND STARTAD UNTEING DUDES HANDS1!1!! OMG TEH WATCHMEN W3R3 AL HIT WIT A BLAST OF FEAR AND RAN OF!1111 OMG AROK WHO WASNT PHAESD NOTIECD DUDA FRENG HIS HANDS AND TREID 2 TAKLE HIM BFOR3 DUD3 CUD 3SCAEP1!1!!1! OMG DA QUASIT BIT AT AROK WHIEL DUDA S2D UP AND CAST MIROR IMAEG!1!1! SIR CORLIM AND ATHENION AWAEK BY THIS TIEM CHARGAD FORWARD WHIEL DUDE TURNED 2 FLE IN2 DA NIGHT1!!!!!! OMG BTWEN AWKWARD MISES AND FUMBLES SIR CORLIM AND AROK LAND3D A FAW BLOWS ON DUDA BUT RUIEND HIS IMAEGS1111!1!! OMG WTF AS DUD3 MAED IT 2 DA TRE LIEN AND AT3MPT3D WHER3 H3 CUD HIED FROM PURSUIT ATHENION CHARG3D FORWARD WIT HIS HALBRD SC3W3RNG DUD311!!1 BFORE HIS LIEFLES AY3S FLUT3RED THEYRE LAST SIR CORLIM APOLOGIZED FOR KILNG HIM WHICH DUDA WAS FORCED 2 DA111!111! WTF LOL NAXT MORNNG AS BLARNAY TREID 2 SPEAK WIT DEAD H3 GOT NO R3SPONS3 FROM DUDE11!!!1 OMG WTF DA QUASIT HAD LONG SINC3 TAEKN DUD3S SU 2 H3L11!1!1! WTF LOL TEH PARTY WATEED A GOD 15 MINUTES BFORE R3ADNG HIS WIL AND LOTNG HIS STUF!!111 OMG LOL
Translation:
Dude, everyone's favorite lisping Gnome has passed on. I'd like to say he is resting peacefully with his lord and patron, Pangrus, but that would be a lie. Dude, acquired a familiar a few months back. Dude had spent some time preping for his familiar acquisition, but was rewarded with something that at first, exceeded his every expectations. Fate being the 2-faced devil woman that she is, allowed events to be set in motion for him to cross paths with a Quasit (I used the SSG familiar rules and rolled it, screwing myself, but such is life).
My quasit, naturally, was Chaotic Evil. Being a CN follower of Pangrus, that suited dude just fine. He'd been traveling with CG goody-goodies for his entire adventuring career, so it was time for this 96 year old Cleric/Illusionist to have a little buddy of his own that had a different view on life and ethics. And that didn't call his church the International House of Pangrus.
Blarney, Dude's former protege, had been with the Harbingers for a year and a half, and had surpassed Dude in power and wealth. This made the normally cheerful (yet still obnoxious) gnome bitter. Very bitter. Having his little buddy inflate his ego all of the time didn't help much, either. It was clear that goody-goody Blarney had the lock down on Spiritual adviser for the goody-goody harbingers with his goody-goody Zelaur. "Thcew them, then." As the party was returning to payback some "old friends" near little keep on the border, Dude ended his long absense and rejoined the goup.
The hobgoblins at the Little Keep were as much his enemy as they are for Sir Corlim. Dude saw his chance to outshine his former protege again and perhaps wrestle control of the Spiritual Guidance from Blarney. But alas, fate is cruel. Although the quasit had taken the shape of a DAWG, something was not quite right. It behaved rather stangely for a DAWG, and it had tiny devil horns. Blarney had never heard of a DAWG with devil horns. Each day as they traveled, Blarney would try to ascertain the DAWG's alignment, try to figure out what it was up to. But each day, he got no reading on the DAWG...until last night.
Not knowing what to do, he slept on this knowledge and decided to Commune with the Kingdomof Zelaur that following morning. After determining that having this creature around is not entirely honorable, he approached the party leader with a heavy heart. It probably wouldn't end well. Sir Corlim and Blarney approached Dude about his "little buddy", who turned himself invisible on their approach. Dude was very defensive about his new friend and swore that he would keep him in line. Athenion was called over, and was able to spot the invisible Little Buddy immediately. After a lengthy debate, Dude was given an ultimatum: The DAWG or the Harbingers. Dude chose his little buddy, and told the Harbingers that he would leave the group when the reached the next town.
The following day, while riding on the back of the wagon and occasionally flipping off Athenian, Dude was given a means for revenge. It seems that something in the party loot was calling on their new meat shield, Dyson the Half-Ogre. Dyson was told to leave the new Bastard Sword alone, but had a hard time accepting this. That day, Dude formulated a plan.
While the party slept, and Gergois kept an annoying close watch on him, he used his Spectral force spell to create an image of himself and Little Buddy sleeping. He turned himself invisible, Little Buddy could do that at will, and crept into the wagon with the treasure. He slipped out the bastard sword, careful not to touch it with his hands, and crept over to Dyson's sleeping body. He then dropped it on the half-ogre, who immediately awoke, finding a prized possession on his chest.
While Sir Corlim, Dyson, and Blarney were having a rather heated discussion about what to do with the sword that Dyson refused to put back, Dude saw his chance to get his revenge on Athenion. He tried to subdue him with a Hold Persons spell and an Hipnotic Pattern. However, Athenion was far more advanced than he had reconned, and proceeded to pound the gnome and his buddy. Dyson charged into the fray, but was held by the Hypnotic Pattern. His new sword, however, rescued him from the Hypnotic Pattern by creating magical darkness. However, when he charged in to fight Dude, he accidentally smacked Athenian, hard.
Dude, finding himself outgunned, tried to slip away with little buddy, but was knocked down by Dyson and Athenion. But while the party was looking at Athenion's wounds, Dude cast a reversed cure spell on Dyson and tried to make a break for it. But Dyson put him down with his new sword. Blarney cast silence on a coin and dropped it on Dude's motionless body while Dyson tied him up. He then healed Dude's wounds and went back to bed, disgusted with his former mentor. Dude claimed that the creature was controlling him, so the party decided to hold a trial the next day.
That night, little buddy crept back into the camp invisibly and started untieing Dude's hands. The watchmen were all hit with a blast of fear and ran off. Arok, who wasn't phased, noticed Dude freeing his hands and tried to tackle him before Dude could escape. The quasit bit at Arok while dude stood up and cast mirror image. Sir Corlim and Athenion, awake by this time, charged forward while Dude turned to flee into the night. Between awkward misses and fumbles, Sir Corlim and Arok landed a few blows on Dude, but ruined his images. As Dude made it to the tree line and attempted where he could hide from pursuit, Athenion charged forward with his Halberd, scewering Dude. Before his lifeless eyes fluttered their last, Sir Corlim apologiized for killing him, which Dude was forced to accept.
The next morning, as Blarney tried to Speak with Dead, he got no response from Dude. The Quasit had long since taken Dude's soul to hell.
The party waited a good 15 minutes before reading his will and looting his stuff.